“There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why hasn’t the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down,
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all.)

That is why:
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts,
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.”

I was talking with a few Romanian friends the other day, and in the multiple moments of them not being able to communicate exactly what they wanted to, I remembered this poem, something we look at every summer before teaching English. The English language frustrates me as a journalism major, so I can’t begin to understand how it frustrates someone trying to master its idiosyncrasies just for conversational purposes.  

After our conversation I found myself thinking about how hard it is to try and communicate with someone when they just don’t understand what it is you’re trying to say or, as of lately, how it is that you’re feeling; how insatiably frustrating it is to not feel understood and therefore validated in those moments.  And because my mind consistently runs in every which what direction, I landed at a point where I felt like this is where I am with the Lord right now.  I feel like I’m trying my darndest to communicate what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling, and because I have yet to receive any acknowledgement for those scattered emotions, I’m left feeling like He just doesn’t get it.  

Then I stumbled upon this piece, http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2012/01/the-beautiful-reason-god-might-not-be-talking-to-you-right-now/, in which Jon Acuff addresses the quietness that God sometimes leaves us with. 

How often are we left dumbfounded, exhausted, frustrated and down-right angry when the Lord doesn’t answer our pleas?  Or even when He does, just in unexpected ways.  How often do we wonder if He is really listening because He leaves us in silence for a short time?  I know I do. Far too often. 

I’m led to wonder, what’s happening when I think nothing is happening?

Numbers 23:19
“God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?”

Matthew 6:26
“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

Reality check.  He is listening.  More intently than I know.

Reality check. God is preparing me for what He already has prepared for me.  

Why worry that He isn’t actually hearing me?  

Frustration, confusion and occassional downright anger have me in a lock of non-sense, so reader beware. This is no read for the faint of heart.

Maybe this idea is so foreign to me that I’m struggling with how to wrap my tiny brain around it, maybe I’m a hopeless optimist, or maybe (hopefully) the Lord is at work in this.

In April I watched as a hurricane tore through the hearts of those close to me As friendships and relationships crumbled, I watched and listened with nothing more than shock and surprise as people simply left other people destroyed in the wake of what they referred to as ‘life.’

Today, the idea of someone being ‘dispensable’ to another person?! Tell me it isn’t so…. still?!

It’s unreal to be honest.

Here’s the thing.

Following my angry rant about the disgrace of simply throwing people to the side when life got too tough, the Lord laid it on my heart to pursue another route to renewing relationships and building new ones; ‘intentional vulnerability.’

In my pursuit, I learned the beauty of sacrifice, the honor of acknowledgment, and the simplicity of grace.  And things were going pretty well.

Then we reached a plateau: relationships grew stagnant, effort lost it’s appeal and people simply started to fall off the radar.  One by one, people became dispensable once again.  Phone calls went unanswered, fellowship was pressed and nearly painful.  Hurt feelings and disappointment wrecked community.

I’ll be honest, I’m at both ends of the spectrum here and let me pause to say, I’m pretty sure I know what you’re thinking. “People grow apart, you can’t stop that. Time to move on and let it go.”

But I beg to differ.

There’s something to be said about the idea that time, space and growth all affect relationships and that in some cases relationships don’t survive those elements. Maybe it’s the optimist in me, but I want to say that I believe they can, but it’s not without effort.

I recently finished reading ‘Sex God’ by Rob Bell, and while the primary purpose for the book is to better relate sexuality and spirituality, there were a few too many moments where the book just played right into current life.  (Ahh, the beauty of little God moments.)

“What we do comes out of who we believe we are. Because with every action, comment, conversation, we have the choice to invite Heaven or Hell to Earth.”

“Agape doesn’t love somebody because they’re worthy.

“Agape makes them worthy by the strength and power of its love.”

“Agape doesn’t love somebody because they’re beautiful.”

“Agape loves in such a way that it makes them beautiful.”

Side note, if you’ve never looked into the word ‘agape’ do it now.  It will revolutionize the way you think of love.

But this was did me in.

“It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked.”

Intentional Vulnerability.

“But being naked comes with a price.”

It comes with the reality that sometimes people open up and let people into their hearts and share their hopes and dreams and  it isn’t reciprocated.  Then they’re left to deal with the reality that they were open, vulnerable and trusting and now there’s a gaping hole that needs mending.  And it’s in those moments that they look to the Lord and ask why they even bothered in the first place.

And it’s there that I have my issue.  It’s there that I think there is work to be done.

I want to be clear in that I’m not being accusatory, and I’m just as guilty as the next guy, but when did it become the norm for any one of us to open up and share in life, with the reality that it may not be welcomed with open arms?  Am I just too naive to accept this reality, or does it  have to be the reality? As lovers of the Lord and thereby lovers of each other, does this have to be how things are?!

This isn’t a new reality, so why does it feel so foreign?  I feel a little like I’m wandering around in the darkness.  I need some light shed on this mess.

This is not a pleasant place to be.  I digress.  I don’t have the answers, and I’m “patiently” waiting for them.

11 days folks. Just 11 days.

My struggle now is not that I have run out of things to say, but instead that I have spent multiple hours over the last week just sitting here, aimlessly typing away, only to end up in tears of joy because I simply cannot force my mess of thoughts into coherent sentences. A blessing I’m not disappointed in.  But because I don’t have the constraints of a tangible card here to bind my thoughts they wander, and by default I expound and before you know it, I’m wading in pages upon pages of utter amazement and joy.

Until only moments ago, I had resolved to face the reality that my mess of thoughts would simply remain that.   I’m still struggling to put it all together, and because of that I should just stop here.

Thanks to Chichi for filling in all the gaps I simply could not find the words to fill. She has the words I have been longing to put down.

Read this.

http://wearehoseaswife.wordpress.com/2011/07/07/daisies-in-old-wine-bottles/

“The farther we’ve gotten from that day, the more I’ve realized that these men aren’t just “great”. They are one-of-a-kind. And who would blame me for comparing the other men I meet to the studs that I call my friends? I can’t help it – and the others never measure up. You’d be privileged to know them, but they’d probably constantly tell you it’s the other way around. It’s just the kind of people they are.”

I’m blessed beyond words.  It’s as simple as that.

The last month has been a flurry of insanity at best.  From graduating, to getting an out-of-the blue job offer (and everything in between) somehow or another I find myself at the end of June mentally and emotionally preparing myself to return to Hungary and Romania! That’s right, this chick is going back! So many things were holding back from being there this summer, and the Lord has prevailed in filling my heart’s desire to once again be with these people, loving on them in ways I cannot describe!  I’m so incredibly excited!!!

That being said, read on!

“Jesus looked up and said, ‘Father, I thank you that you have heard me.” (John 11:41)

Jesus’ thanksgiving preceded the miracle of Lazarus being raised from the dead… would it not be the other way around?  Interesting thought.  Jesus gave thanks for what he was about to receive… His gratitude came before the blessing had even arrived, in an expression of assurance that it was certainly on its way.

Am I living with an expression of assurance?  Am I giving praise before I even witness the miracle, or is it conditional?

It is a miracle that I have even been presented with the opportunity to return, and yet I have let people in particular, build a foothold for satan to cling to in discouraging my assurance the Lord will provide a way for me to go.  So with exactly 33 days left, I am praying big prayers asking God to remove any doubt in my mind, and asking Him to provide me with a way to go.  I have a renewed assurance! I know that this is where He wants me, and that knowledge allows me to be confident in knowing that He will provide a way.

So, all that to say, if you want a support letter, let me know! Shoot me an email at jacindaschroyer@gmail.com  I’m asking you all to once again join me on this incredible journey!

Psalm 92:1 lays it out pretty easily.  “It is good to praise the Lord.”

I’m nervous to write this, more over I’m nervous to publish this for you to read.  It’s a issue a few too many are nervous to breach and I don’t feel that I’m at any sort of advantage to share these thoughts, and yet it’s constant presence in the lives of those around me allows me to be brave enough to reach out and share what’s on my mind.

Let me preface this by saying that I am not the bitter old maid in this. This is not a representation of how I’ve been affected at the moment, but instead a reaction to how those around me are currently being affected. I’m blessed that this has not been something to affect me directly, but the fact that it is a permanent scar in the lives of many around me is enough for me to be upset.  Let me also say that I am not here to judge, and I am not here to berate anyone for their actions against any one else.  But I am here to say that my heart breaks in this, my heart hurts for those who have been hurt by this, and those people bring me to these words.

People have become far too dispensable to one another.

It’s disgusting.  It’s irritating. And I’m tired of seeing it happen on such a consistent basis.  There are few things that I am vehemently disgusted by, but this is one I cannot let slide by.

Just last summer, a few friends and I sat high atop Horsetooth Rock and experienced one of the the best revelations of my college career… a short moment in which we realized how truly thankful we were for one another, and how unbelievably blessed we were with the people the Lord had placed in our lives.  True community took on a whole new meaning. We began listing off name after name, thanking the Lord for each person and the place they held in our hearts, secretly bragging on ways they had individually blessed us.  It was in that moment that we decided that intentionality would be our hearts cry.  We made a short list of promises to ourselves, those people, and to the Lord, including spending more quality time with people and making sure that people knew exactly how much we appreciated them in our lives.  It’s been a work in progress, and I won’t dare brag that there has been any sort of measure of success, because there are definitely moments within the last year that I can assure I did a terrible job at fulfilling my promise to myself and those around me.  But altogether, I’m here to say I feel unbelievably blessed to have lived a year with that mindset!  Putting people first in my daily life was  relentlessly challenging, and yet incredibly fulfilling.  I can safely say that the Lord allowed me to create and foster relationships that I have trust in and that I know are not fleeting.  He has graced me with people who challenge me, support me and won’t let me get away with anything not worth getting away with.  He has allowed me to be able to share my heart with them, be vulnerable with them, and be honest with them.  He has graced me with a new-found ability to tell people exactly what they mean to me, without fear of rejection or awkwardness (something I grew up with and was well adjusted to.)  It’s community liked I’ve never experienced it, and I love it.  I feel blessed beyond words, and trust me when I say, my people mean the world to me.

So maybe it’s been happening all along, and I just didn’t have the eye for it.  Or maybe it’s the newest trend in dealing with struggle, but either way people have become far too dispensable to one another.  What ever happened to “let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’, and your ‘no’ be ‘no’”.  This middle ground is exhausting.  It’s time we take ourselves out of the picture and start loving on people like Jesus loved on people.  You’re in relationship with one another to be in relationship with one another.  Why is that so hard to grapple with?

Life brings you struggles.  Let people in, don’t shut them out.  Life gets busy.  Let people be busy with you, don’t bar them from experiencing the roller coaster that business can sometimes be.

It’s ironic to me that the word intention, used medically, means to “the process by which or the manner in which a wound heals.”  Something to ponder.  Living life with intention not only means living life with a purpose or a goal concerning persons around me, but it also means that in living that out wounds are being healed.  What a beautiful reality!

I’m renewing my life of intentionality.  I’m asking the Lord to show me areas where I’m failing miserably and I’m hoping that he will grant me favor in showing me.  I’m praying that we can all begin to live lives of intentionality; live lives in which we love one another, show grace to one another and are willing to set everything aside for a few hours with one another.  I’m praying that the Lord allow us to make ourselves available to people in ways we have not been able to be before.   I’m asking the Lord reveal to people of our generation just how invaluable those around them really are, and how blessed we are to even be in community with one another.   I’m praying big prayers, asking for the impossible knowing that He has untapped power He is ready to unleash.

The Lord designed us with intention, let’s live with it!  People are not dispensable, let’s recognize and act on that.

“It’s the act or instance of making or becoming different.”

Hmmm.  Act or instance?

In four days life is going to change.  And let’s be honest, I’m not dealing well with that all too well…  I’m freaking out.  I’m anticipating that instance, but not with joy, instead with literal terror that makes me nauseous just thinking about it.  Normally I can sit here and pound away at the keys, turning thoughts into words with quick fingers.  Instead, I’m drowning in my thoughts and I can’t bring my fingers to punch out what I’m thinking.

I’m fighting restlessness and irritability to no avail.

My life is not nearly as mundane as I make it sound.  These moments are my last, and I’m making the best of them!  I make it sound like I’m dying, I’m not… just this chapter in my life.  I’m throwing caution to the wind these last few days.   I’m spending time with friends.  I’m taking moments of solace for what they are.  I’m doing my darn best to make these days ones I will remember.  I only get this chance once, I’m making the best of it.  B

But in these quiet moments, that’s where I face my own thoughts.  I’m still restless, I’m still terrified.  The clock is still running.

Forgive me in my restlessness.